5 December 2017

Starter: Quotes from Steven Wright

Use the idea if not the exact quote

Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it.

Anywhere is withing walking distance if you have the time.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I’m addicted to placebos.

I haven’t changed at all. I’m the same as when I was 11.

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The THree Lessons

One thing that is “supposed” to happen as you age is to gain wisdom. That never seemed to be the case with me. I sometimes think I’m still the same as I was when I was 11. And what is wisdom anyway​? Who ever stops to think before acting by saying, now what have I learned about this and what shall I do this time? No, I just plow on ahead and afterward think, Oh, I shouldn’t have done/said that. When will I ever learn?

So it was a total surprise to me when one day recently I was wandering around the web on my computer and saw an advert pop up.

So do you want success in your life? Isn’t it time you were able to make wise choices? You move closer to your end every day, so why not make the best of things? In just 3 easy lessons we can help you learn everything you need for the rest of your life. Pay what you think it is worth. Contact: www.lifechange.org.

I ordinarily never click on things. I know they are just come ons and fake ads to get you to buy things. But lately I’ve been feeling that there is really still something missing. I have reached the point where the same old things were getting boring and I could not find the energy to break out of my rut and life. Same old work, same old wife, same old friends, same habits. Same old same old. So anyway, at least I could click on it and find out what it was about. And I only had to pay if I bought it and then it was the sort of offer that you pay what you yourself think its worth. That had to be too good to be true but nothing ventured meant I would never find out what it was about and I clicked.

My screen went blank. Oh no I thought I’ve been virused and my computer will have been hacked and my bank account will disappear and terrible things will be posted about me on facebook, and I dont even go on facebook.

All those dire initial thoughts though went away as the screen flickered back to life. “Hello Dennis” appeared on the screen. Now I was thinking, how did it get my name. It of course knows my IP address but this means it has me in some database. I began to have second thoughts.

Then, “Dont click off us just yet Dennis. You want more out of your life. Wouldn’t you like to be able to do the things you always dreamed of? It really is not that hard. And what would it be worth to you? What is it you really want Dennis? What is it you really, really want?” came on the screen. Tell us. We can help.”

Ok I thought, I can play along for a bit. As I said, I was in a rut. I did always want to be a suave bon vivant, going places, meeting fabulous people, having enough money so I did not have to worry about money and so I wrote that.

Now Dennis, dont you think all that a bit shallow. That’s the ordinary stuff. Dont you want to be extraordinary? Isn’t that what you dream about? Being truly special?

Yes, I wrote, but I’d like that other stuff too. I’m just thinking off the top of my head here.

Of course Dennis, we understand. And if you were to be able to have all those things what would it be worth to you. Would you give up all you have to get it?

What do you mean all I have?

What do you have?

Well, I have a pretty good life. A nice wife. We have a nice house and cars and friends and enough to eat.

Is there something wrong then with having a nice life?

Well no, but you said I could have what I always wanted in 3 easy steps. Are you backing out on that?

We are not backing out on anything. The question is will you?

How can I tell, I dont know what I’ll have to do until I hear what you have to say.

Ahh, but the lessons are not free.

And what if my life does not change? How will I get my money back?

Did we say it was about money? No you will pay what it is worth to you. You will decide that.

Who are you guys really?

Does it matter, if we can do what you want done?

And if I pay nothing?

Then it will not have been worth very much will it?

So what do you guys do to earn your value.?

We are here, whenever you need us. Just connect to us anytime.

Do I have to sign anything or send money?

No, you just tell us what you want, then go ahead and it will be done.

And what if I dont get what I want?

Then nothing will have changed and there will be no cost to you? Doesn’t that seem fair?

I suppose so. So what do I have to do?

Are you asking to accept our offer.?

Yes. Where do I start.

Lesson 1: If you want to change your life, you have to change it.

Come on. That’s pretty obvious isnt it? How is that going to result in me becoming a bon vivant or traveling or anything else.

Well, you have to start somewhere and that is where you will start. We can’t change your life for you unless you want to.

Ok, Ok, how do I do that.

Lesson 2: There can be no looking back.

What does that mean?

What do you think it means?

That once I move to change my life, I cant go back

Yes nor can you return to you old way of thinking. You cant change and still be trapped in your past.

Ok, I get that. What is the last lesson.

Lesson 3: There is a cost to everything.

But you said I would only pay if the change happens.

No, we said you will pay what it,s worth. This just says there is a cost to everything.

Ok, how do I begin.

Change everything, give away everything, walk away from everything you have even been or had.

What, are you crazy?

Lesson 2. There is no looking back. You will not change until you let go of what you have.

But I’ve worked my entire life to get what I have now.

Yes, but you wanted something different didn’t you?

But then I will have nothing.

Lesson 3: There is a cost to everything. If you want to be different, you will have to pay the price of change.

I dont think I can handle that much change?

Ah Dennis, it is too late. You said you wanted to go forward. You committed it to us Everything has changed

Nothing has changed, I’m still sitting here at my desk, in my chair, at my computer, writing to you.

Are you sure? You accepted Lesson 1. You said you wanted to change and you made it happen.

But what about my life? Its still out there on the other side of the door.

Are you sure? Lesson 2. What life was that?

My life was, well it was just there. I cant quite recall it now. Are you sure I will have everything I really wanted?

The door opened. “Dennis, Dennis? Dennis, are you ok? Dennis, you’re just staring at the screen, smiling. Dennis? Oh no!”

On the screen was: “Aren’t your happy now? Remember Lesson 3. There is a cost for ‘everything’.” Signed, “God”.