11 November 2019

Audio Trigger: A mashup of songs with numbers in the lyric

So many thoughts pass through my head. In my long life there are so many stories of so many worries and wrongs and loves and faces each one is a memory, too many even to remember. Ahh, and I thought when I made it to 40 that things would begin to settle down. And now, here I am at 70 and nothing seems to have turned out how I would have expected.

Oh well, I guess I just keep going. So I decided to leave the apartment and head down to the Viper. At least there was the community of my pub to keep me going, to keep me straight, to keep me honest. You cant fool your bartender, especially one who has been serving your daily ration of whisky and wine now for over 30 years.

Yes, I first wandered down to the Viper for my 40th birthday. I had just move here with my wife Janine, Jeany. We were still in love at that time. Well at least I was. Or I thought I was, whatever love is. I had been promoted in my firm, moved to the headquarters, bought a new condo and car, not that I needed it given how close I was to work and the old cluncker I was driving before was still serviceable.

But once I arrived at the office, I realized that the hassle of driving in the city and parking was more of a problem than it was worth. And no one seemed to find my new Jag all that special.

And as seen by the stacks of bicycles in the racks in front of the building, this was not a real car culture.

It was a start up in what was then the new hi tech sector. The internet and PCs and all the go go times were fresh and new. Our small firm was led by Michio Taku, a brilliant computer engineer from Japan who had come to university here and stayed. I wasn’t really in tech myself, I’m a HR person. Actually I hate that phrase, Human resources. Its really people we talking about and how each can make a difference and improve and bring something extra to their work and the organization. A resource is capital, it is fungible and it is cut when it no longer brings a profit. Oh how I hated having to tell people they were being redundant.

At first however, we were in a growth time and hiring and trying to find the best and brightest and willing to pay top money for it. And we had many of those who came, and then went when they got the next offer. Michio could not understand why we were paying so much for headhunters when our people were being moved on by the same firms who brought them to us in the beginning. But the money was flowing then. And there was the promise of the big stock option that we used to keep our most crucial employees from wandering away. The bubble was supporting us and it was a heady time to be part of all that energy and excitement. I was recognized by Michio for keeping the talent coming. That’s what he paid me for.

As with all things, the bubble burst. First to let the air out was Dan Tapping our chief engineer. He and Michio had differing ideas about how our product should be designed. It led to a fundamental difference in the marketing strategy. So their conflict sent a wave through the entire firm. How can you make a decision about details and customers when you have yet to know what the product is going to do? There was a big argument at a staff meeting between Michio and Dan. It was one of those things you never forget. As Michio was ultimately in charge and not willing to let Dan pursue his approach, Dan just closed up his folder. Stood up. And said, “I have never been mistreated like this in my life, and I’m not about to let it happen now.” With that, he turned and left to his office. In 5 minutes he gathered what few personal items he had and went out the door.

Within a week, he had taken a position at another start up and a week after that 8 men and 4 women followed him to the other firm. That pretty much decimated our engineering and tech department. The investors pulled out quickly, the cash flow stopped, the stock price tumbled and I was out on the street myself in 6 months. It was only after that I found out that Michio had been paying himself rather well. He of course came out very ok. But me, I was saddled with a new condo and car and unhappy wife who liked spending money when we had it.

Well, she also liked spending money when we didn’t have it either. I struggled to find another position and given my prior employer, I could not convince others that I was not tainted by Michios approach to things. Pretty soon Jeany began staying out late. She said she had a woman’s support group 3 nights a week. She said she was trying to get her life organized so it did not depend on me. We used to dream together about the good life and how it would carry us to old age. I think she discovered that she was still young and wanted to keep going strong. I think that girls group must have also included some guys too because it was clear I was only being tolerated. And then began the abuse. I didn’t deserve it. I was trying hard, working at a small firm for much less money. After 5 years of being mistreated with Jeany increasingly angry when home we realized that it was time to call it quits. So there I was at just 47, on my own again.

The car was long gone. Jeany got the money from the sale of the condo. I got the cat. It was the price I paid to be set free. She already had husband number 2 lined up and they eventually moved away. He had a house in the country along with the condo in the city and a vacation place in spain. Jeany did ok. Me, I kind of disappeared.

I don’t really mean that. I mean I showed up for work every day. I had books and movies and tv and my neighborhood. I found a small apartment with the Viper just about on my doorstep. It was cheap because it was an old walk up building with two apartments on each floor. Mine was number 9 which meant I had 5 floors of stairway to traverse up and down. It was my exercise.

The cat and I had our routine. I would be off to work after giving her a bowl of milk and a brush. She waited for me at the door, upon hearing my footfalls up the stairs and the key in the lock. It was the best greeting of the day for me. I would make dinner and she would sit on the stool opposite the counter waiting for scraps while I would describe my day of paper pushing and the boring details of being the manager of the insurance program for the large firm I worked for. Nothing exciting just reams of forms and dealing with angry employees who found out the insurance covered everything but what they needed it for.

Midnight, the cat, never complained. She listened quietly with an occasional meow to acknowledge that I was there. Of course she was hoping for a nice little piece of meat or fish to be thrown her way. But it made me feel someone, even a cat cared. After dinner and clean up I would head down the stairs to the Viper where Nick the bartender would have my first drink waiting at my habitual place at the bar. I would watch a bit of sports. Chat with Nick and the other regulars and then head back to my apartment to watch the evening news with Midnight curled up on my lap before we would head into bed for the night. And so my life went on

Actually, I know this all sounds a bit depressing but the years passed and I was content and even happy. And is that not enough for a life. That you show up and do not hurt people, and try to help where you can. I was always available for volunteering when asked by the folks at the pub that I knew and became well known for my showing up on time and working as asked. I really had more to do after I retired from the firm just by all my volunteering connections. And I also have to add, as the employee who dealt with all the insurance plans, I found how to work the system pretty well to my advantage. I even retired a bit early with quite a nice nest egg.

Then a year ago, on one of my volunteer gigs, I met Charlotte. She’s a,widower, in her early 60s and she likes me. And Midnight likes her. We each have our own place, we meet up at the Viper and go to dinner or evenings out. Who knows where this will lead. I dont. It doesn’t really matter. I find myself going strong at 70. So many stories and faces and graces still to come. Who knew life begins at 70?