2 April 2020

Trigger:

He was so ugly, only his mother could have loved him.

Would the owner of the old lady who is sitting in a red wheelchair, parked in the disabled bay, kindly report to customer services.”

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A Member of The Family

I pleaded my case. “I dont know what else I could have done. I looked everywhere.”

She wasn’t listening. She never did when it involved her mother, Angela. And when did it not always involve her mother. She was too deep in plotting revenge, whether against me or her mother or her brother. One never new with Dina. It was a family thing. I should have known better than to have been sucked into this marriage.

But then, I was never much to look at. You know the old story about a guy so ugly, only his mother would love him. My mother hated me. Well, maybe that is a bit too strong. Aggressively ignore might be a better term. And of course all the other kids picked on me. It didn’t help that I’m actually quite smart at a few things and that compounded my childhood angst.

There was however, a minor transformation somehow as my frame and my head sort of grew together and straightened out a few lines here and there of bones and muscles; and while not likely to have left ugly-duckling-hood, I was somehow tolerable. It didn’t hurt that my math skills and probablity research paper for my Doctorate found me recruited by a small, family investment firm. They traded bonds on wall street. The firms name is “Crawford and Jennings, Bond Advisors. There was no Crawford or Jennings, or a bunch of advisors. There was just Donald Stasio, now of Astoria Bay Long Island, formerly of Queens. In other words, Donnie was family.

I did not have a clue as to why I had been asked to an interview when I walked into the Chop House on Delancy Street in Little Italy. The registrar at my small university said someone wanted to contact me having read my Thesis: “On the uses of random theory in predicting financial outcomes and public funding”. Not exactly a barn burner. But at 25, I had my PhD and the prospect of being an adjunct professor the rest of my life. So I said sure and here I am.

The change of the glare from the outside had me blinded as I swirled through the revolving door into the Chop House, a lower manhattan fixture for a century. It served aged sirloins thick and marbled, seared on the same grill and with thick crunchy fries, salted perfectly. I was in my only suit, plain blue tie, hair trimmed, carrying my worn leather and canvas satchel with a copy of my paper.

The Chop house is long and narrow with room for only two tables on either side of the aisle in between, until you get to the back where there is a much larger room with tables for up to 40 covers and in the corner, a booth, wood darkened from the times when cigars were the preferred dessert.

The Maitre D at the desk just inside the door looked at me waiting for me to say something. Finally, “You got a reservation? Talk to me.”

“I’m here to meet someone from Crawford and Jennings.”

He looked at me again, this time up and down, measuring me. After a second”, OK, Follow me.”

The tables were full on both sides of the aisle, full of big guys eating big steaks. The noise was loud and the heads leaned toward each other yelling over the din to be heard. Once into the back room, it was different, here is was relaxed with just enough buzz to feel friends were here together.

“Go There,” I was pointed to the corner booth. Sitting in the corner seat was a large, bear of a guy. Kind of more wide than tall. He stood and motioned me to the seat across from him, with my back to the rest of the room.

He introduced himself as Donald Stasio, the “principle” of C&J. His father Luigi had set up the firm many years ago as an adjunct to his construction business. It seems that bonds are sold to build buildings. And if you could issue bonds you could win on both sides of the business.

Donnie, as he told me to call him, was not that much older than me, maybe 35. He spoke with the typical Queenzz accent. But he was no dummy. I could tell that. He had passed the bar but went into the family firm managing the bond business at C&J. He told me he had done as much as he could to get it on a firm footing but really was looking for someone who could organize all the analysis and projection information into a forecast of where we might find buying opportunities.

Quite frankly, I was overwhelmed with the entire experience. I felt myself there and at the same time, finding it all surreal and thought there must be some mistake.

“But I never really studied bond management.

He leaned over closer to me, “I dont want you to manage bonds, I want you to forecast the bond market so I can protect my portfolio. And of course there should be some opportunities identified for investment. I read your paper. I even almost understood some parts of it. But you, you understand it all, I want you to bring your formulas and understanding to my firm.

“You barely know me. Other than my Thesis.”

He sat back with a rueful smile and said, “Let’s just say my job is due diligence. We trust no one but family. So how bout it? You like being a prof? $24000 a year and all the pipe cleaners you can use. Or how bout coming to work for me. I will make it worth your while and there will be great future opportunities. How about $150 grand to start and a free house out on the Island. My office is there and I would want you accessible. Wha’da ya say?”

“But I know nothing about your firm other than what I can find on the internet and there isn’t much.”

“We dont need publicity. Its a family business and registered on the Exchange but we are not publicly traded. Our funds under management are listed. Let me just add one more thing. You need to learn to exploit your opportunities. This chance will not be offered again.”

And there was a hardness to his voice that I should have recognized. At that moment though the idea of being on my own and part of building something was beyond my dreams.

“When do I start? What do I have to do?”

With a big smile he got up from his chair and gave me a hug. “Welcome to the family. Now first thing, you gotta look good. Come with me, we’re going to Barneys.”

In what was a whirlwind of experience and energy. My algorithms for predicting the bond market became a reality and C&J Bond Advisors thrived. We grew our investment fund due so many private investors asking us to manage their bond funds. Donnie managed all that part of the business. As a matter of fact, I really did not know that much about the business.

It was three years later that I married Dina, Donnie’s sister, and truly became part of the family. The night before the wedding Donnie threw a big stag dinner at the Chop House. We took over the place. All of Donnie’s male family was there from Luigi to many uncles and cousins plus a few very large guys to whom much respect was given.

After several bottles of wine and many toasts, the room was buzzing with talk and laughter.

Donnie, as always, leaned his large head close to mine when wanting to be very clear.

“I brought you back here to where we first met. This is where I promised you good things could happen. And they have. And me and the entire family are so happy that you and Dina are getting married. They have all put their trust … and money…and our futures in your hands. You must not let them down. Being married to Dina, means you will become my brother. And what I said to you at our first meeting was, Family is everything. Trust is everything.” And a coldness came into his eyes and his head touched mine and he whispered, “And if you ever hurt Dina or betray the trust of the family, I will personally strangle you.” And then he smiled and proposed a toast to me, the new member of the family.

So I did the deal. I married Dina and slowly the scale of the business unfolded. How cash for bonds became contracts for buildings followed by rents and sales. All funneled back into the bonds for ever expanding the business. All tightly controlled now by Donnie after Luigis death. Unfortunately, he also began to flash his lifestyle and power. I just made sure the business hummed.

And I moved into the big house and boating clubs and lunched with investors, always at the Chop house of course where I had the corner table…when Donnie wasn’t there. I got to know all the staff and regulars quite well. And 20 years passed with me being the outsider brought in, not only to manage the fund, but to try and manage Dina. That was a lost cause from day 1. All Dina cared about was her nails and hair and what covered the rest. I had to make money to cover her costs. She never was faithful to me except for accepting the money regularly. So it kept us together in a fashion, that and the fact that I made the family very rich.

But now this, standing here in the hall, Dina raging at me. “How could you have been so stupid as to leave Angela at the Costco.”

“I didn’t leave her there, I lost her there. She was sitting in the customer service area and I went to get the cart. She wasn’t there when I got back. I asked the lady at the desk and she said the only grey haired lady she had seen was being wheeled away in a red chair by two large men. But nothing seemed wrong.”

“l panicked and search the store. Nothing. I called Donnie right away and I came here to find you. He said he would take care of it.”

“Donnie will kill you if anything happens to Angela. And I hope he does,” she screamed storming up the stairs, with a final, “you are useless,” yelled down from the landing above.

And that’s how I happen to be here, at the corner table in the Chop House, two big guys sitting opposite. The one with the smallest head leaned toward me. “So this is the deal right. You get Granny back and we get a copy of your reports before any other customer. “

“And Donnie has agreed to this?” I asked not quite confirming what I heard. I had the table wired and Donnie was listening.”

“Of course, and she’s just around the corner waiting in the car with Beano. I get the report, call him on the phone, Granny comes in.

I put the report on the table but kept my hand on it. “Make the call, Now we wait for Angela.”

Beano came in the revolving door, in the section behind Angela. As she exited, Phil, the Maitre D, blocked the door with his shoe while Donnie entered from behind thrashing Beano on the bean with a bat. The door was released and Donnie entered.

As he passed down the aisle half the men rose and followed him into the room. I waited until Donnie walked up to the table. His voice was gravely with hate and anger. “You guys know you are dead anyway. So who did you do this for. You know I would kill you.”

I stood up, pointed my silenced Glock automatic at his heart. “I did it.. I just got tire of doing all the work and making all the money for the family and having to take your crap ever day. You told me at our first lunch here to exploit my opportunities. I’ve been taking your advice.“

“I trusted you. I made you family!” he screamed. And he lunged at me before my two big guys could stop him. The gun went off,on auto, with multiple thumps and Donnie slumped onto the corner table.

Disengaging my hand from under his body, I stood up and looked down at him, then I turned and looked at the men who were in the back room. “Donnie was not good for business. You have asked me to take over. It’s my family now. You two large guys, I believe there is a new pier down on the battery that needs some extra ingredients in the cement.

As I walked to the front of the Chop House all the guys stood and shook my hand in acknowledgment. Phil awaited.. ‘We’ll take care of everything Boss. Donnie was an aggravation. We all work for you now. Here’s your driver.”

“Where you want to go Boss?” the big guy in the front seat asked.

” To the island. I need to take care of Dina,” I said in a cold voice.